LEFTOUTSIDE

It is far too often that many things are left unspoken. That in this universe we forget the things that make us the most special is our ability to communicate. Ideas, words and feelings of a large range of variety, the gift to share is one sometimes unappreciated. We are left to our individualism to lean on, our ideas of self dependence that is a hidden agenda pushed among ourselves as a bout of true strength. Be that as it may be true, the base of everything in this world is that we are nothing without one another. We bounce off each other, build off each other, live with each other. Strangers that sit across a cafe reading their own books and ruminating their individual thoughts are in fact doing it together. It’s an unspoken support of each other during those moments that energize us quietly. 

It is more complicated than I’m sure you are thinking. We are complex beings with thought patterns and thoughts that seemingly come out of nowhere and have our individual needs and wants. That isn’t even accounting for our ego’s that swim slowly. Treading underneath the ocean that is our emotions like sharks silently hiding in the shadows of the waves waiting to bite at a moment’s notice. The layers of building a community and a line of communication are endless, yet it comes so naturally for us. 

Forsaken we all feel at some times, alone and depleted of any hope that provides the safety of faith that we are enough are evoked from time to time. In those moments we curl up in balls and create separation from the ones around us for a sense of safety that stems from feelings of anger and loneliness. Non-consensual injections of fear cause the insecurity that creates thoughts that you are alone and rejected by everyone. You feel in danger of communicating, foolish for your feelings, angry that no one understands you. 

It’s a leap of faith that is required. To jump and not know where you are going to land. To speak up and say the feelings you have been attempting to murder and bury to the spaces that you have had safe communication in. The spaces that you have demonized due to the fear that has killed your hope. The relief of tension that pulls the strands in your chest. The breath of fresh air that you feel was previously poisoned. The veil of your short-sighted doubt that clouded your thoughts raised from your eyes. You realize that communicating is as fruitful as it is dangerous. 

It would be foolish to believe that everyone you communicate your true heart to will catch you with soft arms. That they would understand you and reveal the fear they feel on their own and affirm the union you have together. Others may continue to misunderstand you and ash their cigarettes down your throat. You may leap headfirst into the ground and your head will split open as you slowly die from hemorrhaging in your chest, slowly bleeding as the last thing you see is your reflection in the pool of your own blood you lie in. 

It can be a painful experience communicating with the wrong person. 

It’s the leap of faith that we continue to generate faith for. It’s the painful internal deaths we have to sustain to reach the otherside. The unrequited love and friendship that you will face. To find the deserved love, friendship and communication that allow you to be you. Your true self, unapologetically. 

Die. Continue to plummet to your death and resurrection anew. The leaps of faith are chances you take on yourself and others. The faith you build that is torn down over and over again will find itself in arms that are just as strong as yours. You will be reborn. You will be able to communicate yourself to others and be understood. You are not born alone into this world. We can all be tastefully jaded, comically. If you find yourself taking it too far you may lose yourself. Lose the ones you care for.